Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, The [22] -2005-

Douglas Adams' Sci Fi comedy is finally coming to the big screen in the summer of 2005. I seriously wonder how Adams' very dry humor will translate into visual effects. In the books, the descriptive gags are what makes it all funny. Here is an example of one of my favorite passages from The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe:

"Why," said Arthur Dent, "isn't anyone ever pleased to see us?"

Standing silhouetted in the doorway through which they had entered the vault was the man who wasn't pleased to see them. His displeasure was communicated partly by the barking hectoring quality of his voice and partly by the viciousness with which he waved a long silver Kill-O-Zap gun at them. The designer of the gun had clearly not been instructed to beat about the bush. "Make it evil," he'd been told. "Make it totally clear that this gun has a right end and a wrong end. Make it totally clear to anyone standing at the wrong end that things are going badly for them. If that means sticking all sort of spikes and prongs and blackened bits all over it then so be it. This is not a gun for hanging over the fireplace or sticking in the umbrella stand, it is a gun for going out and making people miserable with."

Ford and Arthur looked at the gun unhappily.

The exposition in the book would be hard to portray, in my opinion, without becoming corny. Nevertheless, I look forward to hearing some Vogon poetry and seeing the Heart of Gold ship with Zaphod Beeblebrox. Hot babe Trillian will be played by real life hot babe Zooey Deschanel. Never thought this would be filmed, but there is a lot of money floating around these days and a shortage of screenplays.

One joke that completely escapes American audiences is Ford Prefect's name. To them it sounds like it could possibly be a common name in the UK. In fact, it is a common name OF A BRITISH CAR. Ford Fairlane has already been used as a movie name. Perhaps Ford Falcon or Ford Maverick would be an acceptable substitute.

Here is another very good passage from The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy which might be hard to envision on the big screen:

Here's what the Encyclopedia Galactica has to say about alcohol. It says that alcohol is a colourless volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based life forms.

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.

It says that the effect of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.

The Guide also tells you on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate afterwards.

The Guide even tells you how you can mix one yourself.

Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol' Janx Spirit, it says.

Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V --- Oh that Santraginean sea water, it says. Oh those Santraginean fish!!!

Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzine is lost).

Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it, in memory of all those happy Hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia.

Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heady odours of the dark Qualactin Zones, subtle sweet and mystic.

Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian Suns deep into the heart of the drink.

Sprinkle Zamphuor.

Add an olive.

Drink ... but ... very carefully ...

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy sells rather better than the Encyclopedia Galactica.

Bring your Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic, take a stiff drink of that Ol' Janx Spirit, and head for the theatre. {BB}

Added: August 10th 2004
Reviewer: BB
29 Point Scale Score:    [22]

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